I Ain't Gonna Be Shallow No More (makes sense?)

In my heart the old love
Struggled with the new;
It was ghostly waking
All night through.

Old love, old love,
How can I be true?
Shall I be faithless to myself
Or to you?

mid course is over and dead! (haha)
literature paper enlightened me on some stuffs.
(the point which i came up with for disgrace essay)

i've been living in fantasy all this while, i know.
i'm so darn aware of it but i chose to be nonchalant.

and i think i've been shallow all this while.
lack of knowledge in stuffs which i think i'm well-informed of.

people being people, most of the time feel satisfied
with what they've achieved.
but it's hard to find those who are both satisfied and contented.
an instance is i, the competitive one most of the time.
i may be satisfied but most of the time, i ain't contented.
i feel i could've done more to achieve greater satisfaction.
at the end of the day, it's all in the mind.
people have different levels of satisfaction and contentment.

i've been reminiscing for the past few hours (like oldy haha)
and i feel that i've been too shallow at times.
i look at situations only on the surface and
make my judgements and taking actions without
thinking of the consequences.

most of the time lines like
"it might have been", "if only", "what if"
would saturate my thoughts and i'd be forced to think more.
this process of thinking only makes things worse for me.
because of the existence of externalities.
(i don't know what the externalities are but i know they're there)

i feel the urge to change the course of my life.
zooming through the olden days and
going through the best moments once again would be nice.
(how ironic)

(and i seldom do philosophical entries. this is like an essay alrd haha)